Friday, April 20, 2012

Q & A: How Are You Not Broken?

One of my sweet readers emailed me this:

"Obviously you've been on this two year journey of healing but when I think of what happened to you (and put myself in your shoes) I just am in AWE. I mean, seriously, how are you not completely broken down, depressed, and just plain old sad? Your story is SAD! Heartbreaking!! I just still can't get over it. You have been down a very hard road...."

These few sentences struck a chord deep within. How have I been able to recover from such a life-changing trial? How have I been able to not let it be all consuming? How have I been able to avoid depression? How have I been able to manage when my life was so abruptly ripped away from me? How have I maintained a cheerful outlook on life after all that has happened? 

After a lot a thought processing and reviewing the past 2 years of my life, here's what I've come up with...

There is just too darn much in my life to be HAPPY about!

My marriage was obliterated... I know... my heart cracked in half... I know.... I lost my best friend. I grieved. Then I grieved some more. I tried depression pills to ease the shock and heavy burden, but after one week, I stopped. I bounced through all 5 Stages of Grief erratically and for a very long time (which is healthy and normal considering this type of loss). But I never let myself stay in one place for too long. I never let my smile and my drive for life sneak very far away from me. I never let the good and happy aspects of my life become obsolete because of this turn of events. 

Whenever I'd find myself feeling glum, or thinking 'this is so unfair!', or believing that things couldn't possibly get any worse, or that I was so unlucky, or questioning 'why me?' or wallowing in a self indulged party of pity, I would force myself to take a big GIANT step back, and make a mental note (if not an actual written list) of every positive thing and basic blessing in my life at that point. The list included (but is not limited to):

~my pumping heart
~my functioning, healthy body (free of STD's)
~my cool, healthy Little Dude
~my supportive, generous and understanding parents
~my roof that provides shelter
~my food that nourishes
~my loving and ever helping friends
~my faith
~my opportunity
~my freedom
~my very being
~my agency

No one person and no one circumstance can ever take away my ability to be happy, or the ability to choose happiness. This prized possession can never be confiscated from my soul. Even when testing and ruinous storms blow in; the gusty winds causing my knees to weaken, perhaps even causing my collapse, there will never be a time that I won't brave the hurricane, rising to my feet, scraping the muck and wreckage from my boots, and continuing on- one foot in front of the other- mustering and exuding as much optimism as I possibly can. 

I choose happiness for me... I choose optimism for my son... and I choose to embrace what I've been dealt with dignity and pride because the miracle of life, my very existence, is beyond precious and I refuse to spend it feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to miss the special moments... I don't want to overlook my blessings, taking them for granted... I don't want to avoid the beauty that undeniably surrounds me... I want to live my life to the fullest... without regret.  

This is why I am not broken. This is why I am still happy. This is a choice that I'm consciously making every morning I awake, for myself and for Little Dude. 

I love receiving emails for YOU! I love hearing your stories. I love hearing how you are overcoming your trials. I love learning from you! If I haven't personally corresponded with you yet, please write in! One of the many purposes of this blog is to meet new friends, as well as supporting one another. So, whether you are writing in just to introduce yourself and say hi, or to bear your soul in difficult times, I would be honored to hear from you; and I will write you back as soon as I can! You have a friend here.

***No specific questions today... just eager to hear your thoughts... :)

***If you are struggling to choose happiness, it is my hope, prayer and suggestion that you will seek individual counseling, as well as a visit with a professional about the possibility of anti-depressants. There is NO shame in utilizing today's modern medicine; even if it's just to take the edge off a little bit. I have discovered that no matter what you are dealing with, if you are struggling to find any happiness, it is crucial that you set your pride aside and seek help. There are many individuals out there who can help you!


  1. That is really impressive Jacy. I admire you!
    P.S. You look gorgeous in that pic!!

  2. You are one hot sexy mama. I loved what you said about STD's--made me laugh out loud, b/c that's on my gratitude list too :)
    Love you!!

  3. Great post Jacy! You are one strong lady, and you are rocking that haircut!

  4. Funny how you go from thinking you are the ine and only to being grateful that all your tests come back negative.

  5. Jacy, you are so sweet for stopping by and leaving me such encouraging words. It has been so hard, but it has honestly opened my eyes to understand that trials and pain are REAL and everyone experiences them.

    I am just so so sorry for your moms loss and for the heartache you have gone through with your husband. It makes my heartache at the thought of ever having to go through that kind of pain and loneliness. You are such an inspiration and an example that life can go on and you can be happy.

    I'm so happy you found me and we must keep in touch!

  6. You are such a shining example...thank you <3 I have spent so long wallowing in glad I found you.

  7. This is a great post. Strong woman for sure and I just want to say that that pixie is cuuuuuuute on you!! Very pretty indeed! :)

  8. That picture of lex honestly made me cry, he is so awesome, like his mama. Love ya!

  9. ok,yes! that short hair is ADORABLE!! I vote for a hair cut. Funny cause we were just texting about this today. It is strange how something so tragic in incomprehensible can try to destroy your life but look! We can keep living. And more than living we can laugh and love and share. Life is so full and i am so thankful.

  10. I'm so with you on the whole positive attitude and CHOOSING to be happy life style! Life is what we make it! I don't believe in victimizing ourselves - no matter what others do... Others will make choices that affect us and even HURT - A LOT! But it is up to us to decide what our attitude will be and if we will learn, grow, forgive and heal, or wallow in self pity (some even choose to poison themselves further with long term anger and resentment; I just don't get it!). I like your optimistic style, Jacy!

    Corine :D

    PS. A hair dresser told me she thinks I would look great in a pixi hair style; After looking at your darling photos, I'm considering it... :)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...