Friday, June 1, 2012

Creepy Guy Detector

6 months ago I joined a gym. In that time I've talked to two gentleman (who approached me); one a die hard, belt-wearing, weightlifter probably in his late 40's and the other a yoga guru only wanting to use me for a stretch routine that required 2 people. I actually prefer it this way. I go to the gym to work out... not socialize.

But there is this trainer... a confident, muscly, really good looking trainer.... who knows it.

The last few months or so Mr. Macho has been making eye contact with me as I'm sweating on the elliptical. Because I am intrigued with people watching (as it passes the time oh so quickly!), I get a kick out of watching he and all the other beefy meat-heads strut their stuff across the floor, admiring their manliness in the mirror. So the buff trainer looked at me a few times, I didn't think much of it. I did wonder, however, what kind of a guy he was... I mean, even from afar I could smell trouble but I wondered if I was judging prematurely... wondering if maybe, just maybe he was a really nice guy who treated women with respect and that I was slowly turning into some sort of man hater or something.

Well after making quick eye contact with him yesterday during my regular workout, and being that he wasn't on the job, I was surprised when the contact didn't break on his end.

He walks straight toward my rotating machine.

I get slightly nervous because for the first time in 6 months, someone other than a man my dad's age is approaching me. Pretty soon, Mr. Macho is standing up on the ledge and says with a overly confident grin on his face,

 "Are you scowling at me?"

And that, my friends, was the starting line of the most awkward 2 minute 'hit on you' exchange ever.

Let's dissect this:

First, I've been pushing myself for nearly 50 minutes doing cardio... shall I be smiling at all the passerby's? Second, I'm dating someone... a really really great guy actually. Third, my pits have moon-like sweat marks and I'm panting for air... is this really the most convenient time for you to hit on someone? And last, is 'scowling' really the choice of word you deem best in a pick-up line? Really?

Okay, okay.... so a terrrrrrrrrible start BUT... a few seconds into it,  I could definitely see how the ladies would fall for this guy. Even I got sucked into his seemingly charming-hunkiness for a moment. But it was short lived-- very short lived. I knew he was a creeper from before the beginning. I could feel it in my bones.

After finishing my long overdue workout, I went to pick up Little Dude from the gym daycare. Out of pure curiosity (ONLY) I asked one of the female employees,

"So... What's with Mr. Macho?"

Her eyes hit full circle.

"Oh my gosh, Jacy! He is the most gorgeous guy here but such a PLAYER! Did he come talk to you? I'm not surprised... you are his type... petite, brunette, you've got some booty.... Oh no, no, no, no, no! All he is looking for is S.E.X. Ask Brittany! She'll tell you all about it..."

Apparently Brittany (also a gym employee who started last month) got sucked into his charm, believing that he was really into her and before you know it, she had become just another name on his roster. He got what he wanted and now it was time to move on, like nothing ever happened.

A-HA! I knew it!

The first thing that ran through my brain was don't people worry about STD's? (I guess that's a post for another time because it is baffling to me!). That concern was quickly followed with confirmation... confirmation that my creepy guy detector was SPOT ON! I wasn't judging prematurely after all. My discernment skills are in fact sharpening and I could literally feel the yuckiness. Sure Mr. Macho may look desirable in all the ways of the world and he may appear to be what every woman wants but, looks can be deceiving. He didn't genuinely care to get to know me... he didn't view me as anything more than an orgasm. All he wanted was the cheap thrill of the chase and the instant gratification that comes with unattached sex.

Well in my Book of Lesson's Learned you, Mr. Macho, are someone to AVOID at all costs. You make me feel very uncomfortable and I feel very, very bad for the next poor woman you prey upon.

So, to this little detector inside of me... the one that can sense if something is amiss... I am so glad you're here and functioning properly... because not too many years ago, the young and very naive Jacy probably would have fallen for this guy's tactics... and then I would have been used.

**Why do so many GOOD girls fall for BAD boys?

Image credit


  1. You just described the very reason I joined an all women's gym. One day I was watching TV while on the elliptical at the gym and some guy came over to me and shouted (because I clearly had headphones in, "I saw you checking me out." Actually, I was checking out Jeopardy.
    Why does any one think the gym is a great place to meet people. Personally, it's when I'm at my crankiest and most unattractive. Pit stains and a bad attitude...every man's dream.
    Penniless Socialite

    1. Ha! Pit stains and bad attitude... seriously :) This cracked me up... Jeopardy! LOL

  2. It is so crucial to be able to listen to ourselves and TRUST what our hearts are telling us. I'm not saying my husband is a creepy guy, but for years I ignored the feeling that something wasn't right, and then Bam. I found out that a huge mess was going on right under my nose. Now it's hard to want to rebuild trust while at the same time trying to discern when I'm feeling unsure of something. I have every right to doubt him, but sometimes when I do I just have to stop and think if it's just mme being paranoid or if it's something more than that. As hard as it was, the first time I talked to him about a feeling I was having was a really good thing. It turns out that I did have reason to be concerned, but it was so good for my confidence and self-trust. I have a right to personal revelation that will help me make the best choices for me and my daughter, and I need to listen to those feelings and act accordingly.

    1. I can relate to this COMPLETELY BEC! Totally right under my nose but too clueless to think anything of it... Now, it all goes back to trusting MYSELF and my power of discernment... just like you said...

      Thank you!

  3. I think we all have the creepy guy detector, right? It's just sometimes when our self-worth is in the dumps we ignore it, because it feels so good to be admired. Or like in mine or Bec's situation it is just less painful to be ignorant of the truth.

    1. I think we all do have it... some are more in tune with it than others, some ignore it completely and GO for the jerks (which I can understand because they are so desperate to feel loved), and some may not know how to decipher the feelings they are having... They're not sure why they are conflicted.

      Interest side note, as you say being ignorant of the truth is easier... I totally agree... BUT I don't think that men with addictions are the creepy ones per sey... I used to... but after 2 years of healing, I'm not so worried about the guy who looks at porn and/or masturbates occasionally... I'm terrified of the JERK-O's who don't have an addiction but only care about the next vagina (excuse the frankness).

      Not sure if this makes sense or not... obviously I prefer being with someone who doesn't have a sexual addiction BUT I think that these careless, reckless, selfish guys, carousing around and hitting on anything with 2 legs, sleeping with anyone and everyone are perhaps the MOST dangerous.


  4. jacy! i loved this post! recently i've wondered the same thing, was my detector broken?! because i got super duper creeped out by this guy at my work. turns out, several months later, though warned, a really nice girl from my ward fell for his tricks and ended up having to put a restraining order on him! BINGO. my detector rocks too.

    i think that good girls fall for bad guys mostly because 1)they are lonely. and 2)they don't think they are worth someone better. both of which i have experienced and both of which are so sad.

    i'm glad your creep detector works now too! haha.

    1. Totally true Hailey....!! Sometimes I wonder if mine was broken too before... and you know, I don't think it was broken... I think it was still in the box. I didn't know what to look for and so, I never that much of anything. Looking back there were SO MANY signs... but I loved him so much that I didn't want explore those strange feelings...

  5. Thank goodness for intuition. Through out my life I have gone through the confusion of wanting to trust my intuition and wanting to trust those I am in relationships with....sometimes the two contradict, but I am 100% confident when it comes to that "feeling" I get now. It has never let me down.

  6. Ahh! Creepy! Good thing you listened to your gut. I'm not sure how accurate my intuition is though, I tend to be a bit paranoid, especially if I'm alone! Haha.

  7. My husband has done sick things, he does not and would not send off creepy guy signals, but I did sense something and asked a hundred times about pornography and affairs etc, he always denied it and was calm and even did things that would throw me of his trail. He lived a true double life. I can see it in the eyes of men around me now, at church, at he gym, at the store, in my family and friends in teens. I think the prostitutes as messed up as they are have the creepy guy radar too, and thought hey this isn't a creepy guy just a sad pathetic guy and they did even more with him. I wish I could go back and choose a different life.

  8. ah the eternal question! i think it's the confidence thing. sleazy as these guys are, they come on strong and that can be flattering when other guys aren't approaching you. also, he reminds me of that dude in Hitch that slept with the one girl....ya know. anyway. good job with your detector!

  9. Oh my goodness, this post made me laugh! I have this image in my mind of the whole thing! My daughters father, one of the biggest players I have ever met, gave me a lesson on "Bad Boys" that will stay with me until the end. I can spot the creeps at a distance these days, you just know don't you when you come across one! My instant reaction these days is "NO NO NO NO NO.....RUN!"


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