Friday, June 29, 2012

My Name is LINDSEY

Brian and I met in 2004 during my sophomore year of college. We fell quickly and deeply in love and spent much of the following year and a half together.  Always the consummate gentleman, Brian showered me with love notes and surprised me with pies. Yes… homemade pies.

For a variety of reasons which seem inconsequential now, we decided to break up in the fall of 2005. After a few months of feeling the high of liberation you get after a mutual break up, I realized we had made a mistake.  We kept in touch, but things never seemed to sync back up even though he was never far from my thoughts.

One night, three and a half years later, I had a dream about Brian and so I sent him an email to see how he was. The last time we had corresponded was at least eight months earlier and he was living in Virginia. To my surprise, the next day he walked into my work and told me he had moved back recently and the very night I sent the email to him he was debating on whether or not to come to my house to tell me he still loved me.  We decided to have our second 'first date' over Chinese food at a park.

In July of 2010, we were married in an intimate ceremony in a garden. It was the best day of my life. I distinctly remember having a moment of panic that day because I was so happy. I felt like after all we had been through this was just too good to be true.





























This year, on Valentine’s Day, Brian had a seizure. We went to the hospital and after some testing found out he had a brain tumor. With hope in our hearts that it was benign, he went into surgery two tumultuous days later. Pathology brought back our worst fears. Anaplastic Oligoastrocytoma Stage III, a very rare, high grade brain cancer.

To say our world was turned upside down is an understatement. We were trying to do things normal young couples do, looking for our first house and trying to get pregnant.  One of the hardest parts of this for me is that we have to put trying to conceive on hold. We had been trying for a year and a half. I was pregnant last fall, but had a miscarriage which was heartbreaking, and now this.

Brian’s prognosis is uncertain because of the rarity of this cancer, but they are giving us numbers in the 7 to 9 year range.  In spite of all the fear and uncertainty, I have the love of my sweet husband and our faith to sustain me. Our family and friends have been a constant source of support in ways I couldn’t have imagined.

One day, after going outside and uttering a very angry prayer where I told God that I hated my life, I went inside and opened the New Testament. In a bright and frank answer to my prayer, I read in 1 Peter 3:10, "love life, and see good days." This gentle command has become my goal each day. To enjoy the beauty of each moment, however hidden it may seem. We are striving to draw closer to each other in times of sadness and learn to accept the help that others so selflessly offer to us. I am so grateful  that we found our way back to each other and to be the one who will take care of Brian. I know that we will be able not only to endure this trial, but to endure it well.

My name is Lindsey and I am learning to “love life, and see good days.”

**Remember that the purpose of this series is to open our hearts, to interact, to uplift, to support and to grow. Lindsey will be reading your comments so, you may comment directly to her.  Any questions you have and/or words of encouragement and love are welcomed.

Post-brain surgery and 41 staples later














P.S. You can offer more support by befriending Lindsey and following their story at ACTUALLY EVER AFTER.

17 comments:

  1. Love that scripture! Thanks so much for sharing that, and your story! Hugs!

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  2. Jacy! Thank you for giving the opportunity to share on your blog. I am continually amazed at how incredible and transcendant the power of female friendship can be! I can totally appreciate your vision of a community of women who can relate to each other, not because we live close to each other (We haven't even met in real life!) and not because we all face the same trials, but because we are human women, and we experience the same feelings despite our different situations. You are such a beacon of light and an inspiration. Keep it up!

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  3. Jacy, I found you through Stacia. And I's so glad that I now have seen and met Lindsey!!

    Lindsey, this story touched my heart in a profound way. Thank you for uplifting and encouraging a woman who is a total stranger, and not suffering in these ways that you have shared, but regardless encouraged....and growing a greater love for God through your words.

    I think He is well praised here. What a remarkable thing despite your struggle!!

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words! I am so glad for this whole blogosphere and all the amazing women I am meeting!!

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  4. this story had me in tears. i can't imagine the struggle you must feel, dealing with the reality of losing your other half. the strength you are showing, just by writing this article and showing such a sweet heart through the difficulty in your life, is remarkable. god bless you and your husband.

    and i just have to say, this blog is a little bit of sunshine in the big bad (and sometimes mean) world of the internet. i'm so overjoyed to see this little community of women supporting each other and lifting each other up on a daily basis.

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    1. Thank you jo! We are hanging in there! I really am finding the bright spots in all my days, even the sad ones! It CAN be done! And I agree that this blog is such a ray of sunshine ;)

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  5. This is such a great story! I love reading these guest posts
    And I'll definitely let you know if I'm in SLC! I'll be there this weekend but unfortunately without any time to spare-I'm there so often though so I'll definitely email you to set something up.

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  6. Lindsey ~

    You have strength that I haven't yet had the pleasure of receiving and what an inspiration you are right now.

    I hope that each day is one that you love and live to its fullest and what a great message of seeing good days.

    So glad I read about you and will send you special thoughts right now. xoxo

    Girl power rocks, doesn't it? ;)

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    1. Stacia, I have been sneaking looks at your blog since I read one of your comments on Jacy's! I love it! You are SO strong! And girl power DOES rock! There is nothing like it!

      Thanks for the sweet words!

      Lindsey

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  7. Keep looking for those good days...each day is a gift. I have learned that through my cancer experience. We have all been blessed to be alive but we don't have any idea of how long that might be. Look for the good in each day and love your spouse with everything you have. Good luck to you!

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    1. Robyn,

      You are so right about the fact that no one can have any idea of how long we have. I really feel like its a gift to know that our time is cut short so we can take advantage of all of our sweet moments together and look for the good just like you said! Thanks for your kindness!

      Lindsey

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  8. Jacy I love this little "my name is" thing you've started. It really is a great idea and so very uplifting. Thanks to all those sharing their stories.

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    1. Morgan, Jacy is a genius! Thanks for reading my story!

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  9. Lindsey -

    Stumbled upon this today, and felt compelled to write you a note... not sure if you'll even see this, but wanted you to know that someone from Chicago is praying for you and Brian, and wishing you both strength and GOOD DAYS.

    I will be following your blog!

    Hugs,
    Kate

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  10. Katie! Thank you! I just saw this! Brian and I love Chicago, we live in central, IL so close! Thanks for your sweet comment.

    Love, Lindsey

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