Thursday, June 21, 2012

Online Dating Tips















If you ask my man-friend and I how we met, both parties will confidently tell you we were set up by a "mutual friend".

What we won't tell you is that our "mutual friend's" name is The Internet.

It's true. We met on an online dating site. MATCH.COM to be specific. We are that couple. 

I feel somewhat sheepish typing it out and I have no doubt that Seth's head is hanging in total disgrace as he reads this at work this morning (sorry babe... the truth shall set us free :)

Regardless of the, dare I say, shame that's attached to online dating, it just makes sense for so many reasons!

You're working full-time, you've got kids, you're in school, you're older, etc. all of which make the task of "branching out and meeting new people" really hard! Your time is limited, you're not into the 'single scene' and so, dating gets put on the back-burner (and that's OK for as long as you want). Then you decide some interaction with the opposite sex might be nice and you have no idea where to start. So, what do you do? You set up a membership on an online dating site because it's just plain convenient.

Welcome to a very unusual and foreign galaxy.

You wonder what you're thinking? You feel embarrassed and exposed. You're scared out of your mind. You have no idea what to expect.

Relax. Breath. It's going to be okay. You're still cool.

Had I known then what I know now, navigating through the unfamiliar territory of online dating would have gone much smoother in the beginning. That being said,

Here are the BEST online dating tips I've got:

#1 Keep your profile SIMPLE. Leave a little mystery and intrigue about yourself. Keep the "I don't play games" stuff OUT. 

#2 Don't sit around waiting for guys to message you. YOU take the initiative and YOU reach out to the gentlemen that seem interesting to YOU. This is your life... this is not some joke... if you don't like what is coming your way, grab the bull by the horns and start the conversations on your end (short and sweet is best... nothing too long or personalized... because you may not get a reply at all... and then you've wasted 40 minutes of your time on a total stranger).

#3 If there is a connection and there is a response, get the conversation rolling! My rules with this are as follows: email back and forth at least a handful of times. If that feels comfortable, then try talking on the phone a few times. If you're still interested after that, then make plans to meet up (but remember that safety comes first! If you do decide to go on a date, follow THESE basic dating rules).

#4 Grow a thick layer of outer skin because you're going to need it! The guys that you message may not write you back. The guys you go out with (that you totally dig) may never call you again. Men your dad's age and older may be the only ones showing interest in you. WELCOME to online dating. Do not... I repeat... DO NOT take anything personal! Your success on an online dating site is no reflection upon you or your worth. It is simply a tool to help you connect with people... that is all.

#5 Give people a chance! You never know the kind of amazing person you will meet. It's easy to base your initial interest purely on looks (especially as you're scrolling through hundreds of profiles), but, as I've said before, looks can be very deceiving... so it's important that you base your judgement on how this individual makes you feel once you've begun interacting.

#6 Be selective. This may seem contradictory to my last tip but this one is crucial. Do NOT waste your time with people whom you know aren't looking for what you are. You don't owe anyone anything. If you don't want to go out with Billy (even though he keeps pestering you relentlessly about it), you don't have to go! You call the shots. You are in control. 


This is the beauty of online dating... you do it YOUR WAY! After much trial and error and finally getting the hang of it all, I met Seth. We corresponded via email a dozen or so times... we talked on the phone for 3 hours a few times... and after about 2 weeks of communication (in some form or another), we decided to go out. And apparently it went really good because, well, we've been together ever since!

So even if the online dating thing may not interest you (because it feels cliche, humiliating, and not your thing) there are good men/women out there! There are so many people just like you... wishing they could meet new people... unsure of how to do it.... with not enough time in the day... So, if you're wanting to get out there, give it a try! What will it hurt? Just make sure you incorporate the tips above and you'll get the hang of it in no time. And who knows... you might actually like it... and you might actually find a really good MATCH for you! I did... and you know... it's not all that embarrassing anymore.

I actually think it's sorta cute that we met online :)


**ARE YOU AN ONLINE DATER? Any tips I missed? Have you had success? Do you refuse to do it? If so, WHY? 



19 comments:

  1. I was meeting with some clients the other day, and they were both recently married to men they'd met online, and they were just raving about how much they LOVED the online dating scene. They both made great friends (that they still talk to) and both are now happily married. Now I need to talk my sister in to trying it . . . :-)

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  2. I seriously LOVE this! I have done online dating and always feel others would judge me for it but clearly that is a personal thing. I definitely felt shame attached to it. I just found it hard to meet nice guys. Thank you!!

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  3. I know a lot of people that have met someone online and it has worked out!

    followme@ www.studentswife.com

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  4. My brother-in-law is getting married in two weeks and met his wife online! She is the best match for him and I don't think they would have crossed paths if he hadn't put himself out there. It was the greatest thing for him! And I'm so excited about my new sister-in-law too!

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  5. Thanks for sharing this, it's so great! I've had lots of fun online dating, it's the best way to get things going when you're in a dating slump. It also can provide hilarious stories. I met my current boyfriend online. I think the best way to handle the embarrassment of telling others where you met is to just be confident and upfront about it instead of acting embarrassed or beating around the bush. I just say "We met on the internet!" and laugh. It hardly seems like a big deal anymore and we can also laugh with each other when we see cheesy ldssingles or eharmony commercials on TV :)

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  6. I admit, I'm always a little skeptical when people tell me they met online. BUT, it seems like lately every new couple I've met began their love-fest online! So there must be something to it! So happy for you and Seth. :)

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  7. Interesting... Online dating has been around since the 90's- you'd think that society would just embrace it by now. That way I wouldn't feel so embarrassed every time I thought about joining haha. Love this post!

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  8. I'm doing the "online" dating thing now. It's not so bad, I have met just a few nice men!

    Still searching for "the one"!!

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  9. Great tips. I love reading your blog, always so uplifting, real, and entertaining:)

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  10. I have never looked down on it, people always admit it sheepishly, and I don't know why. I don't see any problem with it at all.

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  11. I think it's totally fine! I have so many friends I've met online that have become wonderful friends in person...nothing wrong with it at all! <3 <3 <3

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  12. I met my sex addict husband on-line he pretended to be Mr. Wonderful so I am pretty skeptical now...I know I should not judge everyone because of his actions but I am still in the healing process still wondering if I could love and trust again..

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  13. Good tips! But I have to mention about internet scam. Most people think that they are smart enough to find out if it's a fraud or not but it's much more dangerous, especially for men. My friend lost a big sum of money through one online dating site.

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