Thursday, August 2, 2012

I Believe in LOVE!

I semi-anxiously awaited his arrival. I had been on so many lousy dates before... I wasn't expecting too much this time. Sure we had talked on the phone for 3 hours and hit it off so to speak... but I did the same thing with the last young buck I went out with and he totally blew me off. Lame.

Dressed in my skinnies, a flowy cream top, the new red leather wedges I bought just an hour or so earlier, a turquoise heart necklace and a spritz of Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue, my makeup was melting off my face because my loft wasn't cooling down. I kept applying and re-applying. Cake face anyone?

He was five minutes early. Our plan was to meet at the restaurant but my car ended up in the shop that afternoon, so I allowed him to pick me up. I did give my mom his phone number for precautionary measures. Although, looking back I'm not sure what she would have done had things turned sour... but still... It made me feel a little better ;)

As I walked down the long ramp out of my little community, I could see him standing there. I immediately noticed his height. I dug it. When I pushed opened the heavy wrought iron gate, we both smiled upon our greeting, I gave him a really big hug and oddly enough, it felt like I had known him for years.

He opened my car door, helped me in and I began to fan myself off. It was about the closest thing to heat stroke, I think. He was trying not to laugh at my spastic-ness.

We arrived at Sea Salt, a really cool Italian Restaurant in a quaint area of town. They offered sparkling water and distilled water without ice. I got a salad, he got a fig pizza and we kinda shared. We also ordered the BEST creme brulee ever and we shared that too, per my request (which I later found out he has a thing for sharing his food... he doesn't like it... lol).

Dinner lasted almost 2 hours. We talked and we laughed... we talked some more and we laughed some more. Conversation was fluid.

The night ended with another big hug and a "I'd love to see you again." from him. I said "Sure! I'd really like that."

The gate closed behind me and I walked away.


That was 1 year ago today.

As I replay the last 12 months of my life, I've realized something of inherent worth: I believe in love again. 

Love is real. Love exists. Love is absolutely, positively possible!

Seth is different than any man I've ever known... his look, his skater/Euro style, his drive, his dedication, his personality, his life experiences.... everything about him was different than what I was used to.

But it didn't matter, I was continually drawn to him; like a magnet. His uniqueness was endearing to me and I couldn't deny it.

His wisdom... his patience... his confidence... his goodness... his energy to live... his realistic approach... his big huge heart... his super cool style... I could go on and on...

But, he is not perfect. And holy crap! If I've learned anything this last year, it's that I'm not either.

I'm crying all the time about stuff. Triggery stuff, stuff that touches my heart, stuff that I can't control, stuff to do with sharing a child, etc. I'm sure it's draining for him. In fact, I know it is because it drains me to death! I go to bed exhausted! But I am a package deal and along with the really great parts of that package, also comes some not-so-great parts- as hard as that is to admit.

He has his stuff, too.

So we've got some pretty tough elements we're dealing with but TOGETHER, he and I have built something wickedly superb... something I think many people would call "true love".

I love him.


I love that I have become a better person just in knowing him. 

I love that I can be myself around him and show him all of me. I can be the fun Jacy... the insecure Jacy... the dreamer Jacy... the mom Jacy... the slightly wounded and still recovering Jacy... the afraid Jacy... the compassionate Jacy... the sometimes sensitive Jacy... the loud and silly Jacy... the confident Jacy... the opinionated Jacy...

And I love that he can do the same with me.

This has been the most unexpected of love stories... I never thought I'd fall in love with him... I never thought I'd fall in love again really.... I never thought a love like this would be so easy, even though there are many challenges that come along with it. I never thought I'd feel so safe and reassured. But after 365 days of a lot of laughter, a lot of tears, a lot of brainstorming and planning for the future, a lot of time with Little Dude, a lot of tough conversations, a lot of consistency and predictability, a lot of patience, a lot of kindness and heck of a lot of love, Seth has proven to me that it is real.  And the unexpected of it all is even better than what I was looking for in the first place. 


Little did I know that when that iron gate closed and we both walked away one year ago today, it wasn't just the end of really wonderful evening... it was the BEGINNING of a new and totally awesome LOVE!

To my best friend: I feel at home when I'm with you... and I feel it a privilege to be your "Lady Friend".  You make me smile each and every day! 


  1. I am so happy for you guys. You Are a beautiful couple and I can tell you are so happy. You deserve it jacy and I am so glad you found it!

  2. Oh Jacy! This made me cry and you know that's saying something because I am not a crier. :) You ABSOLUTELY deserve this love. I can't believe it's been a year - that's awesome. Love you! And we think the world of Seth too!

  3. Dear, sweet, AMAZING, Jacy. I'm sitting here with tears literally streaming down my face as I read this! I can feel the love you have for this man (and well you said it a ton of times, but I can still feel it). What an incredible post!! So happy for you!! You deserve this happiness. You have inspired me in ways I can't even describe. This post just gave me so much hope. Maybe love isn't just bitter betrayal... Maybe I can have this one day...Sooo happy for you Jacy!!! Ah- my heart just melted.

  4. True love does exist after all! I couldn't be happier for you Jacy! Seth is everything
    that you have been looking for and more!!!!!!!

    "A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness
    to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that
    something hidden there will manifest
    itself to us." - Henri J.M. Nouwen

  5. Okay speaking of crying all the time! Totally getting all weepy over Jacy + Seth.

    So happy for you. So happy you found an authentic guy and so happy he loves every angle of the Jacy-prism.

  6. Yay go Jacy! He seems really nice!

  7. crying. and loving that you are so optimistic & happy these days, given everything you've been through. i love that about you, and about this blog...why i keep on coming back, day after day.

  8. Holy tear jerker. Thanks alot! ;)
    Love this. Love that you've found love again.
    and. most of all. I'm glad that you're the perfect example of where I want to be.
    I know it can happen.

  9. You're in love! That is so great :)
    I can tell that this man has a whole lot of love for you, too. Don't ever let him go!

  10. I love this post! It left me grinning ear to ear! You deserve such happiness...which means I think Seth is the man! :)

  11. Such a sweet post! Congratulations!

  12. So happy right now! I am SO happy you are feeling that way and believing in love, because you deserve it. I know that's such a cliche line - "you deserve it." BUT SERIOUSLY, with everything you have been through, with the way love has made you feel so insecure and blind-sighted and betrayed, you DESERVE to feel completely adored and safe IN ALL ASPECTS OF YOU! That was my favorite part was when you said he loves the compassionate Jacy, the afraid Jacy... Makes my heart beam! You are incredible and Seth is a lucky LUCKY man!

  13. Love it Jace! Nobody deserves love and happiness more than you!

  14. So happy for you. Really, really happy.

  15. Congratulations! I am so happy to read something like this-so so hopeful!

  16. Aww, this is a GREAT story Jacy. I'm so happy you found more than what you could ever dream for! It's so awesome to read about how your life is evolving into such a beautiful love story!

  17. Jacy! I am beaming!!! I'm so incredibly happy for you! I love Seth too - cant wait to meet him! I love that you gushed about him but recognized that he's not perfect...that's so refreshing. We all have our stuff but man it is amazing to work on it with someone special by your side. Love you tons!

  18. how sweet!! congrats!!

    i TOTALLY believe in love. i'm so happy for you to have found it!

  19. This just gave me goosebumps over and over again! I love your love Jacy!!! <3

  20. Sounds like true love to me :) A relationship is so multi-faceted...and I think that's a beautiful thing. I'm happy for you!

  21. This is awesome Jacy, so happy for you and Seth! He sounds like a very cool guy, plus his name is Seth (the OC lover in me LOVES that!) x

  22. Thank you ALL!!!!!!!!! Seriously, your words made my day.... I can't respond to every comment but just know that with every word I read, I smiled a big ol' gummy Jacy-style smile!

    Amazing how so many of you are my friends... are rooting for me... and yet, we've never even met.... TRULY INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!

    I love you. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!

    Love is soooooooooo good :)

  23. Jacy,

    I heart this so much!! You are blessed to find this amazing man to believe in love again. Never give up :)

    Love you,


  24. congrats Jacy! I believe in love too.

  25. Oh my gosh, Jacy. This is SO sweet. It makes my heart happy to hear you say that you believe in love again after all you've been though. I think we all need to believe in love. So happy for you.


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