Monday, August 6, 2012

Letting Go




















I tend to hold onto things.

Don't we all?

I hold onto big things, and I hold onto really trivial and insignificant things.

Take for instance last week at FedEx. I was shipping some packages to my cute friends, as well as to Seth's grandmas. The guy at the counter told me he estimated it would be about $20. Well after 30 minutes of filling out all the labels and getting everything ready, I nearly pooped my pants when the total came to $65.

WHAAAAA?

It was all said and done... I didn't have time to go elsewhere... so I paid the money and I left. I squeezed out a few tears in my car. I called and told Seth about it, I called and told my mom about it, and then I told my friend (whom I met for lunch) about it. And I wasn't necessarily upset about the money, I was just so caught off guard by it... and I was a little miffed because there was nothing I could do to change it.

This wasn't the end of the world scenario, so I should be able to let it go, right?

I wish. It's been 9 days since and I find myself still perturbed and reviewing what I should have done instead. All the time I've wasted... all for $65 bucks at the FedEx place.

Can you imagine how I cope with and handle other, more significant things? Like the dissolution of my marriage?

Woah. Woah.

Playing back past mistakes, choices and problems may seem empowering, but it really has the opposite effect-- it strips you of your own self-control. Stewing, stressing and worrying serve no purpose in my life, they just complicate it and make it gloomy and quite unpleasant.

So, here's what I'm consciously working on now so that I don't live my life in such a state of regret.

A Few Ways to Help You LET GO:

#1) Forget about the uncontrollable. Focus on what YOU can control.

#2) Realize just who exactly is hurting who. By holding onto anger due to other people or unfortunate circumstances, you are doing more damage to YOURSELF than to anyone else.

#3) Train you brain. When you start thinking negative, repetitive thoughts that you've already processed a million times, FORCE yourself to stop and change your thought process to something else- something positive and more worth while.

#4) Change the way you look things. Instead of placing importance on how you were hurt, or all the reasons it was bad, think of what you learned from the experience and the blessings that came because of it.

#5) Remember that bitterness cannot bring happiness. So, either change it, accept it or remove yourself from the situation. Those are your options.

#6) Take responsibility when necessary. People aren't perfect, and you're not either. Forgive and ask for forgiveness (no matter what that entails for each situation).

#7) Get rid of all the toxicity in your life. If it's continually toxic and is bringing you down, flush it down the toilet. A particular person, a  specific place, a draining blog, an abusive ex-boyfriend, a memory that keeps haunting you, etc... if it's of poisonous nature and is limiting your potential to move on and grow and be happy, it's not worth the risk anymore. Period.

#8) Throw it away, literally. Write a letter expressing everything you feel. Word vomit as I like to call it. Barf it up people! Don't hold back... then after a few days, reread your words. If you're like me, you'll be surprised at how immature, un-Christlike and selfish you sound. I can't tell you how many letters I've written (to others and just to myself) and reread with complete and utter shame. So, I throw them out with the disgusting trash. By doing this, I'm not only venting all my irrational and spiteful thoughts, I'm also trying to discard those thoughts and their destructiveness out of my life, too. And no matter how tempting it may be and how justified you feel those words contained in that letter are, don't send it! The point is to help you let go.... not make a fool out of yourself. Maintain your dignity.

#9) Don't react. If you do need to confront, give it a day or two or even three. Compose your thoughts, think things through and ensure you won't regret your actions and words. This will help you get back on level ground, thus making your confrontation less hostile and more productive.

And lastly...

#10) Never "SHOULD" on yourself. (Yes, it's supposed to sound like "never shi** on yourself") Delete terms like "I should have done this..." or "I should have said this...." from your vocabulary. There is no sense "should-ing" on yourself... it's messy, it's stinky, you know better than that and it's POINTLESS. You can't go back in time... nothing can change what happened... or how you acted... or what you should have done. Quit giving energy to something that has no value to your progression. Every minute that passes and you're feeling disappointed, injustice, bitterness or resentful are minutes that you will never, ever get back. 


You can be freed from even the biggest of hurts, setbacks, trespasses, mistakes and things that just can't be made sense of. It doesn't mean that they're condoned, that they're significance diminishes or that they're forgotten, and it doesn't mean that it won't be hard at times or even painful, but what it does mean is that you don't have to be defined and held captive by those things any longer.

So, whatever is invading your thoughts, draining you, bogging you down, and barricading your door to happiness... LET IT GO... because you've only got one life to live!

So do I.


**Do have the ability to let things go? What secrets have worked for you?

 P.S. If things seem too large or too hurtful to let go on your own, it might be wise to seek professional help.

Image Credit

14 comments:

  1. Letting go is by far the hardest for me but once I started to really try it... My life is so much better. Love this!!

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  2. Jacy, I swear...so often you post something I just NEEDED! Thanks for this. Um, I am HORRIBLE about letting things go. My husband and I were just discussing this because I got offended by something at the beginning of the weekend and I've been stewing over it ever since. I first of all, know better than to be offended, but still I am. Second of all, my husband is the ultimate "let go-er" it's insane how easily he'll let something slide. I ask him for advice on how to do this and his answer is, "Just do it!" So thank you for something a little more...tangible. I will definitely work on training my brain and not shoulding on myself :) Sorry about the $65, though, that's a RIP!

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    Replies
    1. Sharlee! This makes me smile! I love it when things fall into place on the days we need them most.I'm happy I could give you more than "just do it". I had to laugh at that because I think a lot of men would say the same thing. They are so different than us women ;)

      $65 was a rip... haha!

      Hope you're doing good girl. You've been on my mind.

      XO

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  3. Love this post! I can relate to some things in my process of letting go and I also learned new things to help me!

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  4. This is something I've struggled with as well. I tend to dwell on things. I've noticed though that as I get older it seems easier to think about things in different ways. I'm not sure if it's just myself maturing or the different people in my life now or what, but I find that when something is upsetting me and stewing inside, I have to 1. talk about it with someone (usually the hubby) and 2. think about the big picture and what I can do to help myself feel better. Your posts are always so great!

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    1. Whitney!

      I love this! I forgot to mention communicate.... probably numero UNO on the list. I'm so glad you brought this up... because it can help SO much. Don't you love maturing? lol

      You and your man are so dang cute! And have I told you that I love the title Drab to Fab?? Because I do! :)

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  5. I seriously needed this today Jacy!!
    Major things in my life this summer that I just can't control.
    Boys, school, job, church callings, blah.

    Thanks for this post! And just know that I appreciate SO MUCH the bag tag I got in the mail from you :) it is darling!

    Birdie

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  6. Great post, jacy! I have trouble letting things go, too, especially when it comes to conversations with people I don't know very well. I'll often walk away from a conversation feeling like there was so much I did/said wrong and will sometimes realize that a person was trying to open up to me and I was so busy worrying about what to say next that I missed it. Or like last friday, I went on a job interview and when I walked away I felt like it had gone really well. But then later I started thinking about the answers I gave and the questions I asked and I felt like I should have said something else, asked other things, and now I'm not so sure how it went. We can't go back and change things, though, and agonizing over that sort of thing can drive a person crazy!

    I love the solutions that you posted, Like the commenter above, My husband can just let things go super easy and I tend to stew over some small perceived slight until I randomly burst out in tears and he has NO IDEA why! Maybe I should let him read this post so he can help me stop!

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  7. You rock. My favorite is the never should on yourself, I am a firm believer in that!

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  8. I have a method. When bad things happen or awkward situations occur, I repress all memories of the event and purposely forget it ever happened. It seems to be working so far, but I admit I do wonder what is lurking under my metaphorical rug sometimes...

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  9. I like your comment, Missy W. Lol

    But seriously I did just hear a great quote by one of the LDS Appostles

    "The only real control you have is self control."

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  10. I need this right now. I need to learn to let go. It's bringing me down. Thank you for another good one. I'm going to write that letter, put everything on it and throw it away.

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