Monday, May 20, 2013

7,785 Miles Away





























Hello friends!!

Life has been crazy.... and honestly it just doesn't seem to be slowing down much... hence the reason I haven't been writing like I should.

A couple of things are going on in our neck of the woods.

I am experiencing anxieties that I thought would just "disappear" after I was remarried. Funny how life works. We think if x,y, and z happen, we will move on with ease and our past won't have any affect on us any more.

I couldn't have been more wrong in this mind set.

It's almost like there is this new element to life- a whole new dynamic. Life is good... and things are going smoothly... but I still find that my experiences from before still creep in and haunt me. It doesn't just go away... and I'm realizing that it never will just completely "go away".

My experiences have changed nearly everything in my life... for the bad and good...  and I am learning to except that this is just apart of who I am, even though it'd be so nice to just forget about it and never look back. There is is much more I'd like to write on this....

I've got only 3 hours to get my laundry done, my bags packed, and my house situated before heading to the airport. Once we get there, Seth and I will be boarding a plane for a 15 hour flight. Our final destination is Sydney, Australia!

 To say that we are ecstatic is an understatement!

So, I won't be around here for a little while... but I wish you all a wonderful Memorial Day weekend and beginning of summer!

See you soon.... XOXO

Image Credit


Friday, May 10, 2013

Making Your Goals Your Reality


Goooood morning!

This is Seth, Jacy's husband/manfriend, and I just so happen to be the special guest writer… don’t get too excited :)

Yesterday’s post was on the importance of goal setting. Read it here if you missed it.

Yes, it’s true. I write daily goals on a 3X5 card every morning and I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a positive impact it has had on my life. 

I once read an article, a long time ago, that talked about how some of the most successful people in the world wrote down daily goals; goals they would carry with them throughout the day to keep what they deemed most important fresh on their minds. It was after reading that article that I decided to start writing daily goals myself- a decision that has far exceeded what I would have thought possible.

One of the first goals that I can remember setting was in 2001.  

I set a goal to run one mile, 10 days in a row.  Now some of you might be thinking, big whoop! But for me, a guy who was

75 pounds  overweight 

and hadn’t exercised in a few years, it was a HUGE whoop!

I started my journey by taking this Polaroid below (which I still have) and used it as a bookmark, forcing me to look at it almost everyday.





























Day 1 I ran a whole quarter mile before I had to stop and walk. I was embarrassed that I couldn’t even run a mile... but you know what? I walked the rest of that mile and I could check off that goal for the day.

Rinse and repeat and you have days 2 and 3.

By day 4, I could run a litter further. I didn’t make the mile mark, but I was still getting the exercise I set out to accomplish.

Day 10 came and went and I decided to keep on going. I went above and beyond my goal and had ultimately made it to 14 days in a row of running/walking.

It was at that point where I decided: if I really wanted to lose weight, my days of laziness and eating bad food for every meal were over.  

It was a lifestyle change.

So my goal evolved right then and there; I decided to do the Slim Fast diet for one year, plus the exercise. 

Did I really just commit to drinking two Slim Fasts a day along with a sensible dinner for one WHOLE year?  Yes, I did!  And you know what?  I did it! I lived the Slim Fast diet for 365 days. Sure, I definitely allowed myself to enjoy some along the way, but overall I was very disciplined and strict, which became an accomplishment that I thrived on. And seeing actual results validated my reasons for setting the goal in the first place.

One year later, I had lost the 75 pounds that I set out to lose. I went from
250 lbs to 175 lbs and I felt amazing!  Because this was my new normal, and a LIFESTYLE CHANGE, I have been successful in making sure that I don't get above 180 lbs for the past in the 11 years.































It hasn't been an easy task; goals take a lot of sacrifice and work. But the results from that sacrifice and work are extremely rewarding!

Below is a picture of some of the goals written in the past. This is only a portion of them, as some are packed away or have been lost. There are hundreds and hundreds of cards/pages here, many dating back 6 years ago.





I am certain that what I’ve been able to accomplish thus far in life has been a direct result of goal setting. Whether it be weight loss, paying down debt/paying off my car, achieving personal hobbies, etc. most of my successes come from that one simple act. They almost always started with a written goal.

So for those who are interested..

Here’s my simplistic approach to goal setting:

  • Make realistic goals
  • Set short-term and long-term goals
  • Failing is okay
  • Relish in achievement, big and small
  • Actually put pen to paper so you can SEE it. This makes it more tangible.


I'll admit that I’m a secret follower of this blog and I’d love to hear about any goals you’ve accomplished, or goals that you want to accomplish. This is the first step to making your goals, your reality.

Until next time… All the best!

~Seth

Thursday, May 9, 2013

The Power of Setting Goals





























When I set this goal last year, to blog every single day for 365 days straight, it became surprisingly easy! Honestly, after a little while, it just became routine.

Every night before bed, I wrote something and I published it. I found so much satisfaction in that I was actually doing something I said I was going to do. I was reaching a goal... and it had become a fun, interesting and normal part of my life.

For personal reasons, I only made it to the 9 month mark, but I am still proud of what I accomplished in that time! Setting a goal created so many wonderful friendships.... and honestly, setting that goal changed my life!

Remember when I set this goal?

Well guess what?

I did it! I worked out 4-6 days per week until I got the silly cortisone shot in my shoulder. And guess what else? I have never looked better and, no kidding, FELT BETTER in my entire life. My hard work paid off... and it was also something that became routine, my new normal, all because of a goal.

But once my arm went down the toilet, everything stopped. Just like my blog; dead in its tracks. My goal was ruined and I lost all motivation. And I'll be honest, I haven't done much of anything since. I can't even find the desire to go for a walk at this point. As a result, I feel yucky, my pants don't fit anymore, and I just feel like a big blah with no energy whatsoever.

So the other day, in the thick of feeling sorry for myself for all the reasons I've lost motivation to do things I value, I stumbled upon a little notecard on Seth's desk titled "DAILY GOALS:"

From there I read about 10 daily goals he had set for that day. Some short term, some long(er) term. Some about him, some about us. Some about work, some about our livelihood. Whatever the bulleted point, he had written things that he wanted to accomplish; things that were important to him.

The very first goal he had made was:

"Make daily goals"

and the end last goal said:

"Be a good dad to the little guy"

My eyes welled up with tears when I saw this. The dedication my husband has in unreal; and I can prove it because he's been writing daily goals almost every single day, and fulfilling many of them, since 2007. No joke.

So here's what I've been figuring out about goals. Besides that I do so much better when I set them, I've learned that goals are more than just "putting your mind to something, accomplishing it, and then never revisiting it again".

Goals are actually "LIFESTYLE CHANGES". 

Goals are focused opportunities that have the power to create significant improvements and growth in our lives.

Goals can be the start of a totally new beginning.


**To be continued tomorrow... I have a special post, from a special person, for you! And now I am drumming up some goals that I can set and stick to because I feel so much better when I am working towards something ;)

Image Credit


Thursday, May 2, 2013

A Reason to Get Together























My heart has been so full lately and my brain has been on turbo speed nonstop: thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking- around and around and around. Thinking about all the women I have crossed paths with since this journey started. Thinking about all the women who have reached out to me via email, spilling their stories of hurt, betrayal, confusion, love, compassion, forgiveness and hope. Thinking about the irreplaceable friendships I have made because of it. Truly. Some of my closest friends I met right here.

Amazing.

But my heart has also been heavy, thinking about all the women who are suffering alone and in need of a friend.

I understand the feelings of loneliness and desperation when your life comes crashing down. I understand what it means to feel like no one could possibly get what you're enduring. I have seen, through my own teary eyes, happy families dancing around when mine has totally fallen apart. I get the disconnection.

Thank goodness we have had these blogs (some anonymous, some not) in our lives. I can attest that many have been life-lines at some point. Seriously. And so have the 12 step programs we attend and the wonderful people we have met there. In these places we have either read along with or actually met incredible women along the way who have offered immeasurable support. What a blessing this has been.

But the minute we step back into the real world, away from our laptops or out of that circle, our networks are usually very small and we feel like we are carrying our burden alone; that no one understands the inner burdens of our hearts.

Any one who has experienced the brutal affects of pornography and/or infidelity understands that we DO see the world differently. We have to. No doubt about that. We DO have different circumstances that make our lives even more complex. We are faced with trials and challenges that we never could have ever comprehended.

LIFE AFTER THIS STUFF IS HARD. It is so. very. hard.

We don't live this "ideal" life anymore. Things have changed and the impact of those changes are real and quite honestly, they shouldn't be underestimated.

Pornography is a destroyer.

Infidelity is the poisonous icing on the already toxic cake.

And figuring out how to navigate through life on top of it all... well, that's the purpose of this post...

So I'm happy to tell you that I am in the process of creating a project!  A project that I hold dear to my heart. A project that I am so very passionate about because I think it can change the world- it can change our worlds. A project that I have wanted to do for well over a year now but have never had the courage or time to devote to it. I have bounced ideas around... and talked about it here and there....but the time has finally come and my soul is literally forcing me to do it! I couldn't say "no" if I wanted to.

As silly as it sounds... it feels like this is some sort of calling or something... a mission to help... a mission to reach out... a mission to love... a mission to encourage... a mission to rally around all the women who have been hit by that heavy, greasy, speeding semi truck.

Alright, so enough of the long, drawn out prologue... lol... here's what I've got up my sleeve:

I'm hoping to put on a mini conference/workshop for women affected by pornography and infidelity in Salt Lake City this fall.

(Think of it like Alt Summit for bloggers... except it's for women like us, and on a much smaller budget- ha!)

I hope to offer priceless life lessons- specifically pinpointing how to move forward in our new found world of addiction and its great devestation.

I hope to bring in professionals, who specialize in this sort of thing, along with other inspiring individuals, to teach us, to empower us and to help us navigate through the difficult aspects of our lives.

Along with that, it is my hope to connect women from all over the valley with new friends, who get it. Friends you can relate to. Friends you can call if you need advice or a listening ear. Friends you can cry with. Friends you can grow together with. Friends you can celebrate new beginnings with. Friends who can help you and comfort you and strengthen you. Friends who better understand what you're going through. And you can be the same for them!

My hope is to share one full day together... one full day of laughter, tears, growth, healing, rejuvenation and ultimately a chance to create meaningful and life-long relationships.

So, today I'd like to ask if this would be of interest to you? 

WOULD YOU JOIN ME?

It doesn't matter where you are in the broad spectrum of 'how pornography has affected your life'. You can be right in the thick of it OR you can be further removed from it, hoping to help pay it forward because someone once did it for you. You can be struggling with addiction in your marriage or dating relationships... you can be in the middle of divorce... you can be in limbo.... you can be in recovery and healing.... whoever you are, where ever you are in the process, you are welcome!

But here's the thing:

This can only work because of YOU! We have to be willing to get out of our comfort zones... and come! In order to find sisters who get it, we have to be willing to put our shame, embarrassment, and insecurities aside... even if for a brief moment... and we have to COME TOGETHER! Because together we can overcome... Together our voices can be heard.... Together we can make difference... but until we unite and meet one another, face to face, spirit to spirit, heart to heart, the "togetherness" isn't as strong. The tie isn't as unbreakable if you ask me.

Does this sound like something you need or want?

Don't be embarrassed... don't feel stupid... don't worry about 'what if someone finds out I went to something like this'.... I know I once did... but I don't anymore... because even though I'm remarried and my life is supposed to be "moving on", no matter how hard I try this is STILL apart of me. It will always be apart of me. It has shaped the woman I have become and I would never change it. Because it's not about what happened, it's about what I'm doing to move forward, with my head held high... and there are SO many other women going through precisely the same thing... and it is OKAY.

So, if you are even the tiniest bit interested, please please PLEASE email me at jacyleeclemons@gmail.com or if you'd like, you can leave comment here.

Either way, please let me know because I cannot make any further plans and arrangements without having a *general idea* of how many people this even resonates with.

I'm thinking a Saturday in September or October. The date is totally tentative right now.

I love you guys... and it should be no surprise to you that I am crying right now as I write this :) I just feel like we are so powerful... and what a wonderful way to unite and grow. If you have liked what you read on this blog in the past, the feel of the workshop will closely emulate it. Positivity mixed with reality, forgiveness mixed with awful heartache... all of these things will be there... but the goal is to leave edified and more confident than before ;)


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