Tuesday, October 29, 2013

How Can You Help Others?

"When you drop the guard that you have up to protect yourself and the image you are trying to project to others, the kinds of people that are drawn to you are beautiful, open, often aching people.... but that's where the most intimate and fulfilling friendships develop."~Aimee A.


A few months back, I asked my friend Aimee, how others could have helped her in her time of need.

The first thing she replied with was,

They couldn't have.

I asked her why?

Because I didn't allow anyone in. No one knew of my reality; for years and years and years. I projected to have it all together, when in reality, my world was crumbling.

We talked about this (Aimee's experience) on a deeper level and here's what I walked away with from that awesome conversation:

It's hard to genuinely help other people in their hard times without being open and honest about our hard times, too.

No one wants to approach, let alone talk to, the person who seems to have it all figured out and perfectly pieced together.

Often times, those who are suffering (for whatever reason) already feel like failures to some degree. We already feel weak to some degree. We already feel crazy to some degree. And if everyone around us "appears to have it all together" what do we do? We hibernate. We retract. We suffer alone. We fret. We stew. We compare. We envy. We slowly melt into puddles.

Everyone around me has this perfect life, except me. Why me?

This is hurtful. To all of us. The world. Our existence. It all becomes lonely and scary and very, very, quiet.

But if we work on opening up a little bit more and expressing our realities and our hardships, we are essentially allowing ourselves and others the rare and awesome opportunity to connect. We are essentially saying:

You are not alone. And I am the perfect person to talk to because guess what? I've got my own hurt, crap, sadness, anger, feelings of worthlessness, disappointments, failures, too! I may not feel exactly what you feel, or understand exactly what you are experiencing, but I have my stuff, too. I imagine that, together, we can support one another, help on another, and love one another through our hard times.

When we do this, when this tender connection happens, no matter what the situation is, I believe that my friend Aimee is right....

The most intimate and fulfilling friendships develop. 

Photo Credit: Steve Thomas

1 comment:

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