Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My Name is Meg and I am a Fierce Mama Dragon


My Name is Meg and I am a fierce Mama Dragon.





























March 15, 2013, my 13 year old son came out to me as gay. 

Here are the events of those first few moments:

It was a Friday night and I was cleaning the carpets.  The machine I had rented was so loud, but he asked if we could play a game of ‘hang man’ on the iPad.  I had to sign the letters to him because we could not hear each other.  It was fun!  I realized that it was not one big word, but a phrase he was spelling.  He spelled “I am like Andy”.  I asked, “From The Office?”  (one of our favorite shows). He just shook his head and over the top of our hang man game wrote, GAY in all caps.  We have a dear friend named Andy who is gay.  I shut off the carpet cleaner we had rented for the night and asked, “Jon, are telling me that you are gay?”  He just shook his head yes.  It is a little foggy what happened in the next few minutes.  All I can remember is that I went to him and hugged him fiercely.  We then sat down on my bed to talk.  I was sobbing.  I couldn't help myself.  I was shocked and scared and I did not know what this all meant.  Through my sobs and his, I told him how much I loved him.  How this changes nothing.  I was so proud of him for being brave and open and sharing this with me.  He told me a week after he found out.  I think it surprised him as well, but he felt ok with it.  It is natural to him and he did not feel shame or guilt.  He just learned something new about himself, confirmed it with our dear friend, Andy, and then told his mother.

Now, let me tell you something about myself:

I have always been a Mother Bear.  Once I found out about Jon, that didn't seem a fierce enough title.  There is a whole new level of protection that has come over me.  I now call myself a Mama Dragon.  I could literally breathe fire if someone hurt my son.  Dragons have talons, scales, claws, fangs and they can fly.  I will use all of these resources if someone were to hurt Jon.  So, we are circling our wagons around him, but I know we can't protect him from everything.  And as a Mama Dragon, that is the hardest part of this.  I don't know what the future holds.  I just know that there will be love.





























As a Mormon, I did not know how to handle this.  I was devastated.  I saw the future I thought would happen slip away.  I saw his mission, temple marriage, and children (my grandchildren) slip away as if I never had a hold on it anyway.  I had no resources or experiences to draw from.  I only knew that this was not acceptable in my faith.  I also knew that he did not choose this.  I knew in my core that he came to me this way.  The first few days I thought I didn't know how to parent a gay kid.  Then it hit me.  You were parenting a gay kid 3 days ago and he is still that same perfect boy you have loved since the moment you found out you were pregnant. 





























So, this is when I went to my Heavenly Father.  I spent many hours in my closet, crying, so that no one would hear me.  I wanted Jon to feel safe and trust me that I would love him without conditions and that I would protect him, whatever the cost.  But, I was struggling to find answers to this new reality.  So, with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, I asked my Father in Heaven, "Who could deny such a soul as this?"  I had an audible answer, "Not I."  I am not sure if words will be enough to describe what happened next, but I saw a plan and a purpose for our LGBT brothers and sisters.  I saw that God was aware of them, loved them just the way they are, and did not want them to be alone.  Basically, I saw that we (my religion) did not have the complete answers to this particular issue.  This rattled me to the core.  I had always had a testimony of the gospel, but now I was questioning my church. 

My son is the kindest, smartest, most thoughtful kid I know.  I take no credit.  He came to me this way.  I wanted him to keep this pure heart.  I wanted him to know he was whole and perfect, just as he was. 


























He shared with me that he knew he was whole by taking this to his Heavenly Father before taking this to me.  He asked in prayer if he was okay the way he was.  He not only got a strong confirmation that he was loved and whole by his Father in Heaven, he was told he is to be a beacon of hope and light to other teens who may be suffering all alone in the closet.  So, the night he came out to me, he shared this with me and asked that I help facilitate a coming out.  This terrified me, but as a Mama Dragon, I would do anything for my child and I trusted his heart and spirit.

I must interject here that he also has a Dragon Dad.  My husband and I were only able to have one child and we are very close as a family.  We decided before he was born that we would love our child through whatever.  Come what may. 





























So, we decided to start a blog. This went viral and got the attention of one of the 12 Apostles of our church. We were now strong advocates for teen suicide and homelessness (please visit our blog for details http://theabhaus.blogspot.comand we were thrilled to meet with him.  We felt he had all the power to stop this awful practice of kicking your kids out because they identify as LGBT.  It was a nice meeting and he was very kind to us.  He told us to please keep doing what we are doing.

So, as I live and breathe, I will fight for our LGBT children.  Jon has fulfilled his call to be a beacon of hope and then some.  Lives are saved every day because of his bravery.  I could not be more proud of the young man that he is.  I feel like this last year has been the greatest blessing of my life thus far.  I have learned the true and pure love of Christ.  I would not change one hair on my son's head.  I am privileged and humbled to raise this incredible kid. 

My name is Meg and my Mama Dragon's heart soars!





























**Remember the purpose of the "My Name is" Series is to open our hearts, to interact, to uplift, to support and to grow. Meg will be reading your comments and I know that she welcomes your love, words of encouragement and support. If you have nothing kind to say please refrain from commenting, as it defeats the whole purpose of this series. (Comments will be moderated and deleted if necessary.)

Meg, I am so in love with your story of love. It is so evident just how much LOVE resides within your home, within your heart and for your family.  I am honored to know you and I am blown away by your bravery.  Jon is one lucky kid… as are you to be his Mama Dragon. Thank you for sharing this pivotal part of your life with us, it's so so so beautiful.

Read other stories of inspiring women in the "My Name is" series by clicking HERE.

Follow My Name is Jacy on FACEBOOK to stay up to date with new features and other posts :)



16 comments:

  1. There are so many things I could say right now. But, to kept from writing pages and pages. I can sum it up with this. You are amazing. Thank-you for the loving example you are setting for other parents.

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  2. Jacy, your blog is always a breath of fresh air. Thank you for giving voice to Mama Dragon. A mother's love is the most surreal thing on this planet.

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    1. Surreal is the perfect word to describe a mother's love. ��

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  3. I Love you Mama Dragon! Beautiful story!

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  4. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.

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  5. Absolutely beautiful...your testimony, example and pure love touched me deeply. Rock on mama dragon!!

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  6. Meg is the most amazing person I know. It still floors me how she was able to put aside many of her misunderstandings of "gay" and be a mom. She has always chosen Jon before anything. And it is incredible. Such an attractive trait. This story just gives a tiny glimpse of what an incredibly inspiring person she really is.

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  7. My brother has SSA (same sex attraction). I've learned so much from learning more about this issue. Many teens are confused in this day and age. I want to post some resources for anyone who has family members that are struggling with SSA. There is help and it comes through love, understanding and proper mentoring from their same-sex parent, adults and friends.

    There are many different things that set a kid up for finding themselves with SSA (same sex attraction). It's helpful to educate yourself so that your family dynamics will help your children develop and embrace their male (if they are a man) or female (if they are a woman) characteristics. Some contributors to developing SSA are: distance from the same-sex parent, over-identification/enmeshment with the opposite sex parent, abuse of any sort, body image issues, being different than their peers (too short/tall, overweight, or uncoordinated, etc), and being emotionally sensitive are all contributors to developing SSA. It is an incredibly painful thing for those with SSA and they don't understand why they feel the way they do or what to do about it.

    Essentially they need to heal the part of themselves that has rejected their core masculinity or femininity. It has been done and there are many therapy groups that are available to help.

    Richard A. Cohen has written some wonderful books to help those with SSA (same sex attraction) and their families.
    Coming Out Straight
    Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing
    Straight Talk About Homosexuality: The Other Side of Tolerance

    A Young Man's Journey: Healing for Young Men with Unwanted Homosexual Feelings
    Growth into Manhood: Resuming the Journey

    Here are some websites with resources and testimonials of healing:
    People can change:
    http://www.peoplecanchange.com/stories/richard.php

    National Association of Research and Therapy for Homosexuals
    http://www.narth.com/

    JONAH -Jews offering new alternatives to homosexuality
    https://www.jonahweb.org/

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  8. Anonymous--your comments are offensive. I think it is very sad that in this day and age there are still people who are determined to "fix" people who are LGBTQ. There is nothing wrong with someone who is gay, bisexual, lesbian, etc. They do not need to be "fixed". Your comments about the causes of SSA sound like something straight out of 1955. How sad that there are still people out there who are determined to blame SSA on someone else instead of accepting that it is an in-born trait and exactly the same as your opposite sex attraction. I wish people would become more educated about the biology of gender. It is a sliding scale.

    Meg--as the parent of gay teenager I want you to know that you are awesome!! You are doing everything right! Our LGBTQ kids need to be protected and loved and to know there is nothing wrong with them. It is so refreshing to know that the world is slowly becoming a safer place for our kids to keep nothing but their clothes in the closet :)

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    1. I understand your reaction to the comments by Anonymous. I can see how you would take it the way you did. I think most people these days would. I would as well if I hadn't made some friends over the past year who have opened my mind to new ideas & a new understanding about sexual orientation. For the record, I support Jacy. I think her response to her son is exactly as it should be. I agree that LGBTQ kids should have all our love and support, as any kids with their own unique challenges & personalities & inborn traits should have. I also think we should all remain open-minded on this issue. I know people who are attracted to the same sex who, for reasons of their own, such as religion, family, children, spouses, etc choose not to live a homosexual lifestyle. They have found that through understanding the environmental factors in their lives, engaging in therapy & specific healing treatments, while they are still attracted to the same sex, they are ALSO attracted to their opposite sex spouses and live full, satisfying lives...including healthy heterosexual sex lives. This community experiences as much unacceptance from the LGBTQ community (& others) as the LGBTQ community feels from homophobes. I find THAT to be sad & offensive. I think we should all have an open mind. The people I know don't feel their orientation needs to be "fixed" any more than anyone's childhood pain needs to be "fixed." Nor do they think their life choices are for everybody. They just want others to know there is another way that COULD work for some because it IS working for them. I think they should have as much support in their choices as anyone else should have in theirs. I am not in any way saying that their choice is right & others' are wrong. I just think that recognizing that there are possible options as to how you live your life is a good thing. How about letting everyone know what their options are & letting them go their own way? Recognizing that there may be contributing environmental factors to same sex attraction is not evil, wrong, passé, ignorant or threatening to anyone else & their choices. Is there the slightest possibility that our society & science just maybe don't have it all figured out perfectly yet? I recognize that what I'm saying isn't the publicly accepted line. But I've witnessed the truth of it. This is a difficult & controversial subject and I think we should all be guided by love & an open heart & mind in navigating it. This is my first exposure to Jacy, but from this post, I would say she is giving us a wonderful example of how to do that.

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