Friday, January 22, 2016

Blue Eyes and a Prayer



The day we brought Julian home from the hospital, we all oooooed and awwwwed over this new, miraculous, tiny life. We commented on his skin tone and who he resembled. Later that night, after sending Little Dude (7) to brush his teeth, I found a hand written note outside my bedroom door. There was a broken heart drawn in two pieces and it said, "Baby Julian looks like everyone in our house but me." 

My heart broke in half, just as he explained his already had. I walked to his room as quickly as I could and there he was, under his covers, with tears in his eyes. He told me how sad he was that he and Julian looked nothing alike and that no one would believe it was his brother because they have different dads. I held back the tears and we had a nice long talk about genetics, how babies change quickly and how no matter what, everyone would always know he was Julian's big brother! 

I remember praying that night for some sort of little miracle... Something... Anything to make it easier for Little Dude.... Something that would help us transition to a new family of four... Something that would tie them together that Little Dude could actually *see*. I had no idea what it would/could be... But I prayed. 

I told Seth through tears that night that there is nothing more challenging than seeing your child hurt and sad for reasons that neither you, nor they, can control.

Fast forward to about 8 months later... Little Dude said while looking into Julian's eyes, 

"Mom! His eyes are BLUE! Which is weird, because yours are brown and Dad Seth's are brown... So... Who did he get his blue eyes from?" 

I tried so hard to hold back the tears but they pooled in my eyelids. 

"YOU!" I said. "They must've come from YOU!" 

His eyes lit up. His jaw dropped. 

"Me? Really? He got MY eyes?" 

"I think so!" 

In that instant, Little Dude picked Julian up and swung him around in excitement. It meant so much to him! It was their thing. The "special thing that he could *see*"... The thing I had been praying for months and months earlier. 

Words cannot express how much this means. An answer to a prayer, a tender mercy, a little miracle, maybe even chance... whatever you call it, I'm beyond grateful because even if Julian's eyes don't stay blue forever, these two shared blue eyes together for some time and that just meant the whole world to this big brother!

Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Struggle is Real

The struggle is REAL. 


It is absolutely real and I'm realizing more and more that I've got to STOP comparing myself to others. 

It's a dangerous habit... it's poisonous.... and it can kill. 

When I'm constantly comparing what I don't have, where I'm not going, what I'm not accomplishing, all the things I'm not, the only thing left for me to do is criticize myself. Then that negative, toxic energy (that I have created all by myself) oozes from my pores, making it absolutely impossible to love myself. 

One of the things that has really helped me is if a certain FB feed, blog, Instagram acct, magazine, or T.V. show leaves me feeling inadequate and/or like I'm not enough, I can simply "unfollow" or change the channel or set the magazine down. This makes room for me to focus on what I DO HAVE,  and WHO I ALREADY AM.

 For some reason it can be really HARD to do this…. but being able to let go (without guilt and shame) of the things/people/feeds that don't aide in my growth and happiness is helping me in enormous ways!



Wednesday, January 13, 2016

What it Means to be Courageous

I'm so excited to finally be able to share this powerful video with you about what it means to be courageous. It has been part of a few of my different presentations at Togetherness, as well as at the AZ Family Council conference, and it gets me every time! I find myself feeling empowered and invincible every single time I see it. Please take a moment to watch it and remember that,

Wherever you are in your life right now, whatever trials you face, whatever race you happen to be running...

"Winning is no more than this: 



TO RISE EACH TIME YOU FALL!" 





Video Credit: 3Gaps

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

THE 3 GAPS BOOK GIVEAWAY

You guys!

This book….




























…. is SO good!

I read it, I was inspired by it, I immediately implemented the simple and effective concepts shared within and I have very honestly noticed a wonderful change in my life ever since! So much so, that I also share some of the helpful ideas with my life-coaching clients, too.

Hyrum Smith's principles are continually helping me get from where I am, to WHERE I WANT TO BE!

From who I am, to WHO I WANT TO BE!

And in all aspects of my life: my work with The Togetherness Project and as a Life Coach, but also as a wife, a mother, and a human being.

It's seriously good stuff… and it's SIMPLE. Isn't it interesting, though, how the simple stuff is often the hardest to stick to? How the simple stuff takes the most work? Yeah, that's what this is. Simple, but awesomely rewarding when you create that life-style change.

Well, I'm super excited to announce that I have teamed up with 3 Gaps to do a
BOOK GIVEAWAY for the first 100 people who email in! And a bonus... they will even ship it right to your house, free of charge!

What's the catch?
We ask that you write a review about the book on Amazon. What you liked about it, how it helped change your perspective, what tools resonated with you most. It can be one sentence, or five paragraphs ;) We just ask that if you LEARNED from the book, that you write a positive review telling people why and how!

Can you do that for me? :) GREAT!

Here's what you need to do:

1) Email stacy@3gaps.com

2) Put "JACY BOOK GIVEAWAY" in the subject line

3) Copy and Paste this into the email: "I'm requesting The 3 Gaps book and agree to place a timely review on Amazon"

4) Provide your first and last name and your mailing address (**Giveaway only available to 48 lower United States and ONE book per household, please)

5) Read The 3 Gaps as soon as it is received and provide a review within 48 hours on Amazon HERE.

BONUS assignment that will help propel you forward :) As Hyrum asks each reader to do in the book: 
  1. Write down the things that connected with you
  2. Think about those thing for 36 hours
  3. Teach those things to somebody else within 48 hours after that

MAKE A DIFFERENCE!


**If for some reason you don't read this in time to be one of the first 100 who email in, you can always purchase it on Amazon HERE and know that it will be a great investment :)



Friday, January 8, 2016

BE BOLD

(Part 2 of my Divorced and Happy presentation I did at Togetherness Project conferences last year. Part 1 HERE)



This is some of the best advice I have ever heard (and I believe it actually applies to every woman, whether you're going through a divorce or not):

  • You are ALLOWED to say "no".
  • You are ALLOWED to protect yourself.
  • You are ALLOWED to put yourself first.

Divorce can get weird divorce can get ugly and sometimes, divorce can even get scary.

Why is that?

Because divorce can bring out the nasty and absolute worst in people. I mean, even the most amicable divorces I hear about usually always have some heat because. well, think about it… whether you're working first hand with your (soon to be ex) spouse to sort it all out, or you've hired lawyers to help sort it all out, or you've found yourself in court, in front of a judge who is sorting it all out for you. it's always for and/or about REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS: time/custody with the kids, medical issues, educational plans, childcare, the home you've built together, businesses, investments, finances, holidays-- basically everything that matters.

While it can be very easy to focus in on how nasty and horrible you think your ex (or soon-to-be-ex) is being, it is VERY important to recognize that divorce can also bring out the nasty and absolute very worst in YOU, too. 

Gulp.

So... what do you do when you feel you're turning into the very thing you're complaining about?

You learn how to be BOLD while MAINTAINING YOUR DIGNITY through the process. 

This quote, to me, is what it means to be dignified through TOUGH situations:

Be soft.


Do not let the world make you hard.


Do not let pain make you hate.


Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.


This doesn't mean you are a puddle. This doesn't mean you are a doormat. This doesn't mean you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, bullied, used and abused. 

It means that it's okay to get tough when you HAVE to get tough. In fact, it's more than okay…. it's NECESSARY! And while I don't ever want to encourage anyone to go around creating drama and/or picking unnecessary fights and/or being a bully (and I obviously NEVER encourage physical violence, EVER!), the point I want to make is that, there will most likely be times before, during and possibly after your divorce that you will be forced to get tough. In those uncomfortable and scary and weird times, remember that:

  • You are ALLOWED to say "no".
  • You are ALLOWED to protect yourself.
  • You are ALLOWED to put yourself first. 

This is when you've gotta put on your gloves, build up your courage, play by the rules of the ring, and BE BOLD WITH DIGNITY!




Sunday, January 3, 2016

Divorced and Happy

*Because of numerous requests, this is a recap of the divorce class I taught at The Togetherness Project's conferences in 2015*


The "divorce class".

Ugh. 

I know what you're thinking. It's depressing to be in this class.  I mean, the d-word word often reeks of sadness, failures, broken dreams and broken hearts. It's when your life falls apart,  miserably.

I used to feel that way, too. I used to be embarrassed and felt ashamed that I was now part of this sobering statistic because it meant that I was a failure, it meant that I was unworthy and somehow labeled now, it meant that my life was ruined and I would never be happy again.

First and foremost, if you are here today and you are considering divorce, you are going through a divorce or you are divorced: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. 

5 words that can change everything!

Remember them. 

Keep them close. 

Believe them.

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!

You should not be embarrassed or ashamed to be here (or to be reading this blog post)… and it is my hope that I can help you realize that even more than you did before I also hope to provide you with some of the key tips that saved my life while going through my divorce, and while trying to figure my life out after divorce.

Finding happiness after divorce is hard and it comes with many challenges… but I (and many others) am living proof that it is possible… one day at a time… it is SO VERY possible and life CAN BE good again!

(This post will come in a few parts, so consider it a mini-series over the next few days :)

*DIVORCED AND HAPPY*

TIP #1: Let go of how it "SHOULD BE" and embrace "WHAT IS!"



I will not pontificate that I have it all figured out. I don't. No way. Not even close. It would be great if I did, but being on this journey of almost 6 years now, my motto is that happiness is a process, not a destination. 

So, time. Time is your friend. During the thick of it, I hated when people said that word to me… but it's true. 

TIME.

Let it help you heal. Let it help you let go of how it should be. Let it teach you how to embrace what is.

Someone said to me 6 years ago in my women's group:

"Never "SHOULD" on yourself."

(Yes, that it supposed to sound like "sh**" on yourself.)

Think about it….

Sh** is stinky! It's messy! It's a big ol' pile of crap, after all! Well, the same goes with this whole "should-ing" thing. 

I should have done this… 

I should have done that… 

It should be this… 

My life should be that… 

That stuff up there ^^^ Those thoughts… the things we cannot control or change… they're stinky, messy, and they'll pollute your mind and life like a big ol' pile of crap. 

Now is the time, no matter where you are in the process, to force yourself to get rid of these toxic thoughts and discover WHAT IS. Focus on WHERE YOU ARE. Work for everything that LIES AHEAD.

Steer clear of the "shoulds" and you'll be off to a really good start.


TIP #2: You Gotta Grieve!



6 years later and there are still times that I grieve. It'll just hit out of nowhere. I'll hear an old song on the radio, I'll stumble across a picture of our happier times, I see the real struggle it is for our son to have divorced parents and then I'll cry. 

It doesn't mean that I regret the choice of getting divorced.

It doesn't mean that I'm still in love with him. 

It doesn't mean that I'm not happy with my current husband, Seth. 

Here's what it DOES mean:

IT HURTS because it MATTERED.

Period.

End of story.

No other explanation needed.

It mattered to me. 

There was love and kids (one in my case) and hopes and dreams and hearts involved; all things that MATTER.

So don't feel bad for grieving. Don't feel stupid. Don't feel like it's "wrong" because everyone else *thinks* you should "get/be over it". They don't know. And if they do know because they've experienced something similar, their experience is different than yours. 

And while we're on the topic of "getting over it"… I don't think divorce is something you just "get over" anyway. It is (or was) a big HUGE significant part of your life… something that has lead you to where you stand…. something that has helped you become the woman you are…. something that is continually teaching you difficult lessons that have hopefully strengthened you. 

So don't make it your goal to "get over it" (whatever on earth that means)

KEEP GROWING FROM IT!

And while you're growing, and when you do grieve, make sure you're doing so in HEALTHY ways (yes, there are healthier ways to grieve and I wrote about some of those fantastic ideas in a different post here). If/when there comes a time when you feel that you can't seem to get out of the downward spiral, it may be wise to seek professional help. Remember, there is no shame in that, whatsoever.

*To be continued…*

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...