Friday, January 8, 2016


(Part 2 of my Divorced and Happy presentation I did at Togetherness Project conferences last year. Part 1 HERE)

This is some of the best advice I have ever heard (and I believe it actually applies to every woman, whether you're going through a divorce or not):

  • You are ALLOWED to say "no".
  • You are ALLOWED to protect yourself.
  • You are ALLOWED to put yourself first.

Divorce can get weird divorce can get ugly and sometimes, divorce can even get scary.

Why is that?

Because divorce can bring out the nasty and absolute worst in people. I mean, even the most amicable divorces I hear about usually always have some heat because. well, think about it… whether you're working first hand with your (soon to be ex) spouse to sort it all out, or you've hired lawyers to help sort it all out, or you've found yourself in court, in front of a judge who is sorting it all out for you. it's always for and/or about REALLY IMPORTANT THINGS: time/custody with the kids, medical issues, educational plans, childcare, the home you've built together, businesses, investments, finances, holidays-- basically everything that matters.

While it can be very easy to focus in on how nasty and horrible you think your ex (or soon-to-be-ex) is being, it is VERY important to recognize that divorce can also bring out the nasty and absolute very worst in YOU, too. 


So... what do you do when you feel you're turning into the very thing you're complaining about?

You learn how to be BOLD while MAINTAINING YOUR DIGNITY through the process. 

This quote, to me, is what it means to be dignified through TOUGH situations:

Be soft.

Do not let the world make you hard.

Do not let pain make you hate.

Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.

This doesn't mean you are a puddle. This doesn't mean you are a doormat. This doesn't mean you allow yourself to be taken advantage of, bullied, used and abused. 

It means that it's okay to get tough when you HAVE to get tough. In fact, it's more than okay…. it's NECESSARY! And while I don't ever want to encourage anyone to go around creating drama and/or picking unnecessary fights and/or being a bully (and I obviously NEVER encourage physical violence, EVER!), the point I want to make is that, there will most likely be times before, during and possibly after your divorce that you will be forced to get tough. In those uncomfortable and scary and weird times, remember that:

  • You are ALLOWED to say "no".
  • You are ALLOWED to protect yourself.
  • You are ALLOWED to put yourself first. 

This is when you've gotta put on your gloves, build up your courage, play by the rules of the ring, and BE BOLD WITH DIGNITY!

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